Descent into Feathered Madness
by Vampire Catfish1
Summary: Based on the headcanon "Ludwig is afraid of live chickens. Not baby chicks...Just chickens. So he's constantly replacing Gilbert's pet before it grows up," and following the life of Ludwig as he struggles to maintain the farce that Gilbird will be forever young.


Alfred Jones wasn't what one would describe as a 'hard worker'. Using government connections and his own influence he had landed himself a job within the FBI. Had he done it to make the obvious joke? Maybe, but it still meant he got a gun, suit, badge and his own paycheck at the end of day.

Yet despite the official letter of recommendation from the president, he was still put on the back bench, working jobs no-one else wanted to do and being kept in the office long after the main players had gone home.

But he didn't mind. At least it gave him something to do. And if he couldn't be bothered to complete his paper work he usually just hired an assistant who would do it all for him.

On a Friday night as midnight drew near, Alfred sighed as he started what must have been his twentieth game of solitaire. The system ran on a LAN network, and with no internet for 'security reasons', he was stuck playing crap like that. He had tried to sneak in some decent games a few times but the metal detectors had caught him and earned him an hour long lecture from his boss about 'work ethic'. Not that he did anything anyway but he guessed his boss just wanted him to keep up appearances what with the presidents backing and all.

Outside his office his assistant sat scribbling away, a look of annoyance on her face as she kept throwing glares to Alfred but he didn't really care. He would be gone as soon as they'd finished and he could spend his weekend hanging out at the pool and doing important things like prank calling Arthur and asking Mattie if it was still possible to buy a herd of moose in the middle of summer and have them shipped to D.C.

But his weekend dreams were interrupted as the fax machine whirred into life, and he groaned as he dragged himself from his desk to pluck away the sheets of paper it spat out. His eyes widened in horror as he slowly made his way back to his desk, his eyes skimming over the still damp words that smudged under his shaking thumb.

At first he couldn't really comprehend what he was seeing. All nations had human names and persona's they used to live in the modern world, and even though there were things like face recognition, finger print identification and even simple cameras that could catch them, they still manage to pass through the years without being detected. He knew some of the other nations would branch out into careers that would have their faces noticed by the general public, such as Feli becoming a fashion designer and Arthur's punk rock band back in the '70s, but a change in hairstyle and clothes usually sorted that out.

It wasn't as if keeping their identities a secret was an iron clad rule among them, but it was generally accepted and he didn't think Ludwig, of all people, would raise a red flag. But it wasn't only Ludwig's name listed there.

Printed on the document were ten names, most of which he was very familiar with and all of which now had a spot on the FBI's private most wanted list.

After scanning it for a third time to make sure he had read everything correctly, he let out the breath he didn't realise he'd been holding as he threw himself back into his desk chair, his hand trembling as he placed the paper on his keyboard.

The document contained information of the most recent criminal organisation that had taken hold of the world. At first, his bosses were certain that the man behind it all, who had been known to them for years as only an enigma, was now the single most powerful man in the world of crime. This man had joined together the triads, the cartels, the mafia, the milleu and any other major criminal organisation that could be found around the world, forming one huge empire that reached out to every corner of the planet.

But this couldn't be right. No matter what the official papers said there was no way something like that was true. He didn't care if they had sent in their best agent to gather their names or that the man had died collecting them, because there wasn't a snowball's chance in hell that Ludwig Beilschimdt would be the leader of a criminal organisation. Sure, he was loud, but he was always nervous and awkward, and there was no way he would even think of hurting someone. The idea that he was responsible for any crime, let alone crime on this scale, would be hilarious if he hadn't learned it from the fax his boss had sent.

But only that, there were unbelievable names listed alongside his, such as Feli's and Lovino's, and Ivan's and Kiku's and Francis's, even his own brother was listed there for fucks sake! There had to be a mistake. Arthur would never agree to something like this, and though China was famous for it's crime he could never imagine Yao going along with it. Even Mexico and Bulgaria were listed there even though he couldn't remember the last time Mexico and Germany had ever talked.

This was just insane. Impossible. But there a quiver of doubt in his chest and he knew he wouldn't feel comfortable unless he check out it for himself.

So, even though midnight had come and passed, he picked up the phone, knowing that Ludwig would probably be away despite the time.

"Beilschimdt." The familiar stern voice rang out from the other end.

Alfred gulped nervously before replying. "H-Hey, Luddy. Can we talk?"


End file.
